Week 5
View from…Boise, ID:
We made the 10-hour drive from Sausalito to my in-laws Boise with much less angst than I expected, despite packing Theo, the cat, and the dog in the back seat, arriving late Sunday night (and minimized access with the outside world). This is an experiment to get more help with childcare, try to catch up on work for a bit, and see family that we haven’t been able to visit with for a bit.
So we've been here now for 5 days. The pets and Theo seem much happier (during the day) with the additional space to roam. I've set up a desk in our bedroom to accommodate all the Zoom calls (which means I'm now using a lot of virtual backdrops). I'm getting a ton of time to work, but on the flip side, as a result of all our household negotiations I'm getting much less sleep, much less exercise, and a lot of anger from Theo in the evenings since he's seeing so much less of me. Every day continues to be an experiment, and increasingly an exercise in releasing control and in attempting to improve communication.
In the work context, I'm humbled at the important and time-sensitive work of my colleagues & mentors and their impact on a national scale. I struggle with thinking my work isn't important anymore or wishing I could contribute more to COVID research. I'm focusing instead on making progress on whatever is feasible amid my existing portfolio of work for whatever amount of time we have help with childcare. In other words: I put one foot in front of the other, doing the next obvious thing, trying to balance helping other people push their research forward and also pushing my own forward.
(Re)Learnings and observations
Transitions are hard. Even when you're moving into a situation that might be "better" for you, or for your family. There are always disappointments, anger, losses. xtra kindness, gentleness, understanding is necessary
Gut reactions/feelings as potential guides for actions. I was in a few group calls this week with people I haven't been able to connect with in awhile; with one group I wanted to get more involved; in the other, I felt like I ought to be there but did not feel like it was useful for me or the other participants. Interesting reactions to attend to as I decide where to invest time in coming months.
People have different styles of how they want to be supported. A mentor observed that she and I both lean towards connecting people, creating community and a sense of belonging. With more time this week, I've been engaging in Slack more to help build community.
Prioritizing and focusing amid overwhelm: In the last few days I created a new channel on slack called #smallgoals. I posted to it Wednesday when I was totally overwhelmed with what to do next or how to prioritize. Though my goal turned out to be way bigger than time allowed (write plan & agendas for Thursday meetings & read edits from coauthors), it did help me focus and use the remaining time productively. To be clear, it would also have been fine if I had decided to throw in the towel for the day.
Practicing compassion toward myself and others. My mother and I were talking this morning about how much we've learned in the last two years about living in the present amid uncertainty and expected loss, about learning to allow sadness and joy to co-exist. My mom also has a business/leadership business, and she posted about these concepts here.
Seeking perspective. I am trying honoring the things that are hard or emotionally complicated (for example, our neighbor died this morning of cancer; my aunt and uncle were each briefly hospitalized), while also recognizing my position of privilege (we still have jobs, we now have childcare help). When I have energy & bandwidth, I'm trying to to use that privilege to advocate for and support others. For example, this morning I emailed the director of one of my career development programs suggesting a way that they might be able to help junior researchers who are in less well-resourced or supportive environments and who may be particularly impacted by dependent care responsibilities).
Gratitude & appreciation
I've gotten out on two trail runs
I am safe, well caffeinated, and well-fed
My in-laws are kind, well-meaning and generous people
I am particularly grateful for the friends and mentors who voluntarily reached out to me to offer connection and support (as I am trying to do through this email). Sometimes it's hard to know whether/what/how to ask. I ran cross country in high school, and part of the ethos of our team was that if someone was near you or lagging just behind, you put a hand back and helped pull them up - and you knew if the situation was reversed they would do the same.
As in past weeks, I invite you to report in on your wellbeing, share 1-2 small goals you are hoping to work on next week (especially related to our collaborations, if we have one), and report in on your progress from last week's goals. If these emails are more stressful than reassuring, let me know and I'll take you off the list.
Thinking of you and hoping you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe.
-Krista