Pandemic Reflections
A source of support.
When the first Bay Area shelter-in-place started March 16, 2020 because of the COVID-19 pandemic, it felt lonely and disorienting and pretty awful having no childcare for our 3yo with 2 full time working parents. In week 2, I sent an email to people with whom I worked closely, honoring this feeling and sharing some coping strategies I was using to create a sense of solidarity and support. This became a weekly ritual that grew over time.
In the emails, I shared a little bit about what was happening in my household as a way of normalizing the massive changes, shared strategies we were using to cope, and things I was grateful for despite everything. I invited people to reply for support and connection and to aid with professional accountability and motivation. Slowly and sporadically I invited others to join the list. Eventually, I decided the simplest way to allow people to join as they found content useful (or to opt-out if content did not resonate) was to create a newsletter and website. For the archived letters from 2020, I’ve done some light editing to provide additional context, or to remove my weekly goals. Not all have been uploaded yet, but I’ll get there eventually.
In 2021, the weekly letter has evolved into aggregations of many of my mentoring and peer-mentoring conversations. They still touch on methods I’m using to remain a whole, semi-balanced person amid parenting, grieving, and being an early/mid-career academic researcher.
In 2022, the weekly letter became a little more sporadic, but still shared reflections on things happening locally and broadly.
Week 57
The collective grief and trauma in the Black community this week is just so heavy. We need accountability and change. #dauntewright #adamtoledo
I hijacked some of my designated writing times this week to support colleagues (peers and trainees) who are struggling for a wide variety of reasons – racism, grief, pandemic parenting/caregiving, out of whack brain chemicals or hormones, and of course, the intersection of these things and others. I’m proud of this work, not least of all because I feel it is a way to pay forward the support I received.
Week 56
Change in the pandemic remains hard. It’s been lovely to have my mother next door and honor all the events of the weekend…and we are, of course, still working on finding a new rhythm to life. Hard things are happening in the live of people around me. I have completely neglected all my usual self-care this week – exercise, meditating, journaling. I am trying to be patient with myself, not judging, and remember that each day I can make different choices.
Week 12
Even within my very privileged bubble, I am not ok. There were a few days this week I couldn’t really work and instead spent time crying. I wasn’t sure whether to write this email, and then I wasn’t sure what to say. Ultimately, I decided it is important for every individual to speak when and where they can. And I found it validating to hear that some of my mentors and friends say they were also not ok, so I thought some of you may feel the same. As you know, the last two years have sent a lot of things my way, and new trauma brings up old trauma. And my trauma is a drop in the bucket compared to generations of enslavement, individual and structural racism. I have a moral obligation to speak up.