Week 10

Written By Krista Harrison

View from the houseboats

We’re making huge improvements in reducing frequency of tantrums and improving our parenting skills. Sleeping is still an issue - lots of nightmares. We’ve also been teaching Theo about compromises when he says things like: “I want to have popsicles and watch the Neutral Buoyancy Lab” at 7 am and we say “Well we’d like you to go outside and play. Can you think of a compromise?”.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how pandemic parenting is a lot more work for our house than it would be to do the same thing (both people working from home with Theo also at home) in non-pandemic time, because we’re so restricted in our options and we have extra emotions from everyone. Occasionally Theo says very sad things about “trying to keep people away” and “what if the virus doesn’t go away” that makes us concerned about the impact on his socialization. 

A colleague sent this article predicting the collapse of the child care industry because it’s not publicly financed. With some googling I learned 33.4 million families, 2/5 of all families, have kids under age 18, and 91% of those families had one parent employed in 2019. I’d like to see more advocacy for public investment to help reinvent schools and daycare for pandemic circumstances, in order to have a workforce again.

The science on COVID infection in kids and methods to prevent it is still developing – my friend sent these articles for those interested. This article suggests closing schools & daycares were not as effective as the SIP orders and closing entertainment on preventing spread. Things to consider for those of us who might regain the option to access to school/childcare…someday. Nevertheless, I’m feeling 1000x better this week and almost sustainable.

(Re)Learnings and observations

We went back to basics this week: lots of small goals and attending to all the little wins. It helps a great deal in improving motivation and combating all the negative mental loops.

On combating negative mental loops in research: In nearly every research project I've led there is a moment when I think "why am I doing this? My findings are obvious, it's taking too long to get them out into the world, someone else could do something more sophisticated with them than I am." This might be true, but it's also a phase that I have to push through. By the time the manuscript(s) are published, I've re-discovered the findings are NOT obvious to many other people, and in the writing process I've often found ways to make the more interesting points that I'd like to make. I've been experiencing this feeling a lot recently, partly because of where I am in many of my projects (mid-way through analysis) and partly because of the existential angst I feel at times amid the pandemic.

On prioritization of work amid many options: Since 90% of my job is to conduct research and I love collaborating, I have projects that span all stages. I did some work over the weekend (we're trying a new household experiment to let Sam log more work hours during the normal workweek because his job is more in danger, and I'm going to try to compensate with some weekend work) and instead of going back to integrate edits on the manuscripts first (SO tempting) I disciplined myself to do a couple pages of data coding since that's what I said was top priority on Friday (plus I have an analysis meeting with collaborators every Monday to help with motivation).

On managing red herrings: When I was learning to write poetry as a kid, my dad told me that if I have the urge to get up and leave the computer/page, that's important to pay attention to because you might be getting close to something really good but hard. Similarly, in some frames of mind my brain tries to do ALL THE THINGS at once. I try to use my "to-do" list as a place to store intrusive thoughts about other things I have to do, or meeting agendas for questions for mentors, but I have to work hard to constrain myself and not get sidetracked on a red herring.

On being mentored: I keep structured agendas for meeting with mentors. At various times over the years, they've doubled as project & career management tracking tools (or more accurately, anxiety management tools) that I keep for myself, but inevitably they spiral out of control and the effort spent isn’t high-value. My current 1-page agenda has the following headings: Action items from last meeting (for both me and my mentor), wellbeing check-in (for both of us), questions/discussion points, and updates by project (since the last meeting).

On trying to work with what’s flowing: This week I found that I was unexpectedly coming unstuck on a few manuscripts that I’ve been slowly chipping away at for awhile (in one case for years). I described this to a friend as “passive thinking” success, where the back of my brain is working at a problem when I’m hanging out with Theo. In contrast, “active thinking” - like trying to develop/refine/apply codes to my qualitative data - feels elusive amid parenting, and I have made the least progress on this aspect of my work.

On supporting small businesses: I learned about Bookshop.org, which supports local independent bookstores that might not otherwise have the ability to put their inventory online. We used it (instead of Amazon) to order Theo some new books. In addition to "The Rabbit Listened" we got "The Invisible String" and "The Goodbye Book" about loss and change and feelings, "Bedtime for Batman" for sleep, and "Moana" just because.


Gratitude & appreciation

  • Theo and I have gotten out on multiple kayak rides this week. It’s nice to be in the sun and it’s become a fun way to get to chat with our neighbors in a safe way.

  • I’ve also been adapting to Theo’s nap rebellions by doing some runs with him in the running stroller, and one day a long stroller hike. Mixed success - I got exercise in the sun (hooray) - but he had shorter naps.

  • Did I mention that the biting tantrums are so much better? It’s giving us some bandwidth to figure out what’s working (and not). For example, I thought him having shorter naps as a result of the runs was a problem, but Thursday he got a longer nap and holy moly he spent an hour and a half before going to sleep telling himself superhero stories while “listening” to Headspace meditations. So today we’ll experiment with an earlier and/or shorter nap.


Things we made in our house (aka quarantine hobbies)

As in past weeks, I invite you to report in on your wellbeing, share 1-2 small goals you are hoping to work on next week (especially related to our collaborations, if we have one), and report in on your progress from last week's goals

Thinking of you and hoping you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe.

Krista

Krista Harrison
Previous

Week 11
Next

Week 9