Week 22
View from the houseboats
Everything is totally fine. Many things are going very well. And around Wednesday I hit the wall after spending 6 weeks trying to catch up from 4 months of part-time work. (Also the terrible public health response to the pandemic and concomitant exposure of the chasms in the economy, the defunding of the USPS, the ongoing racial injustice, and and and). The last half of this week has been trying to work around, amid, and within the resulting weird emotional swirl (I say weird because most of the time the emotions felt unrelated to and disproportionate to whatever I was attempting to do). I’ve blocked off days on my schedule that didn’t have meetings as vacation days, and we’re working on finding a pet sitter in order to potentially get away for a few days mid-week in September, maybe some backpacking.
Gratitude & appreciation
I still love living on the water, despite the insane heat and lack of insulation/AC today. There was a great sunset last night.
Our amazing neighbors got Theo a trampoline (e.g grabbed it from the free box) and then offered to loan us their camper van.
My new desk arrived! I started playing around with ways to use it today, including using it as a standing desk, regular desk, and floor desk.
Theo is a pretty great kid. Tonight he named his turtle bath toy “Gardener Under the Sea.” He’s also been “reading” books to my mother during their daily Zoom hangouts and can remember a surprising number of his books nearly word-perfect (she, in turn, jokes that she’s finally using her college training in elementary ed and theatre with her morning puppet shows for Theo).
I have successfully taught Sam to bring home flowers from Trader Joes every two weeks for me.
(Re)Learnings and observations
A form of privilege: Over the weekend I sent a note to a few of the senior faculty in the Division thanking them for their sponsorship over time – inviting me to be a collaborator on grants (or recommending me to others as a collaborator), inviting me for invited commentaries, and other opportunities. I need to send more, but I am glad I started. I shared how much this felt like a tangible safety net during a pretty rough few years, and that I expect it will have a significant impact on my career. There are many elements of privilege – one of which is having access to people who have the power and ethos of generosity to give others a hand up.
Beware the signals of low resilience: On Wednesday I reacted more strongly than I expected to something in a meeting, and then realized I was feeling exhausted and crabby. So even though I had 4 whole hours wherein I had hoped to make progress on a long-postponed project…I didn’t. I took a break and went with Sam to return our library books (held since February) and picked up some treats at the store. I caught up on Grand Rounds from the last few weeks.
Attending to triggers: I’ve been emailing with two of our clinical educators to ask for (or recommend the Division find) good resources on trauma-informed teaching/mentoring. First, because so the prevalence of acute grief in the populace is only going to grow amid COVID. Second, because I’m selfishly trying to understand my own reactions over the last two years and I have little awareness of my own triggers.
Work-life alignment: Last week we had the K Scholars “retreat” and Dr. Sakar summarized the great session on work-life alignment she facilitated on her blog. I find I generally agree with all her mentoring advice – check out her website. Next week is a week for realignment and recovery - just part of the the cycle.
Actions to support Black and other people of color: Nothing much, aside from “listening” to stories on Twitter. Relatedly, I was reminded that UCSF colleagues created a season of the Nocturnist dedicated to Black voices in healthcare; I need to invest some time listening.
As in past weeks, I invite you to report in on your wellbeing, share your goal of a tiny step towards a passion project and report in on your progress from last week's goals.
Thinking of you and hoping you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe.
Krista